


Strangled a daisy, maimed a rose, and wait until you see what I did to the wildflowers

by basicallyiwriteshit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentioned sex work, Non-graphic rape scene, Panic Attacks, Warnings: Mentioned bullying, as hell, mentioned child abuse, yamaguchi blocks out his memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 06:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10406256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicallyiwriteshit/pseuds/basicallyiwriteshit
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi is twenty years old and broken. Tsukishima Kei is twenty years old and trying to save him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Daisies symbolize innocence, cheerfulness, youthful beauty, and gentleness; the Japanese symbolism of roses is “Beauty is your only attraction, illusion” whereas the general symbolism of them is love; I couldn’t find any meanings/symbolism for wildflowers but the definition of “wild” is “uncontrolled or unrestrained, especially in pursuit of pleasure” so.....

 

 

Tadashi doesn’t know where his life went to shit. He doesn’t. He thinks maybe it’s always been like this, but he knows this isn’t the case; before his mother lost her job, before she started getting her friends to pay to fuck him, before he graduated and ran away, life was ok. He was happy. Still, he thinks his life is getting worse now that he lives on his own. That was five years ago. Life was different at fifteen.

Trying to balance university and trying to make himself anew with work is hard. He’s getting less and less sleep lately, working late hours just to get by. He knows that his looks are suffering with his lack of sleep -- his hair is thinning, he has bags under his eyes, and his usually tan skin is paling -- and he relies on his looks at work.

“Hey baby, let me fuck you!”

...Though, apparently, he still looks good enough. He’ll start worrying when he doesn’t get catcalled on his way home from school. Sighing, Tadashi turns to the old homeless man that yelled at him, and grips his switch blade in his pocket. “You’ve gotta pay, baby, and I’m too expensive for you.”

The man growls. “Now, listen here you bitch--”

Tadashi scoffs and turns away. He’s about half a block away when he’s yanked bay by his hair-- he doesn’t even flinch. He turns to the man, who’s now holding his hair with a knuckle-white grip, heaving and spitting in his face. Tadashi cringes. He’s about to pull his switch out when someone clears their throat behind them.

“Hello, sir, I don’t think this young man appreciates what you’re doing to him.” 

The man turns to look at the source of the voice. This proves to be his fatal mistake, however, because as soon as he does that his grip loosens and Tadashi is able to break free and swing his arm around to punch him. The man stumbles into the person who interrupted them as Tadashi flicks his switch blade out and gets into a defensive stance.

“I had it, thanks,” Tadashi growls as a tall blond drops the now unconscious man on the ground. He backs himself up to stand straight, and slides his knife back into his pocket. “Ever heard of minding your own business?” 

“ _Sorry_ ,” The blond replies with a glare. His previous concern is washed away by annoyance. “I was trying to help out.” 

Tadashi rolls his eyes. “Alright. Ok.”

He turns to go home, and a hand grabs his wrist. He stiffens, and he pulls his knife out again. The blond immediately lets him go and holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I just helped you out, don’t I get a thanks?”

Tadashi is about to retort when he sees the blonds eyes flicker in recognition. He tries to remember if he’s seen him in his classes before. He clears his throat. “What? Why are you staring at me?”

“It’s nothing.” The blond takes a step back. “I-- Sorry about....interrupting you.” 

“Yeah,” Tadashi just shakes his head. “Whatever.” 

He turns and stalks away, all thoughts of his blond savior leaving his mind as he makes his way through the city. It’s almost nine, and he needs to get to work--- rent is due in a few days and he barely has a hundred bucks in his stash back at his apartment. Pulling out a cigarette, he quickens his pace. He’s reaching his neighborhood when he catches a shock of blonde behind him as he peeks over his shoulder to cross the street, and he freezes.

Had that guy _followed_ him? Tadashi reels, but doesn’t let this scare him. He’s been followed before; he just needs to walk past his apartment to the police station three blocks away, tell the police he thinks he’s being followed, and he’ll get an escort home. No questions, they’ll just think he’s a scared college kid. However, when he turns to look discreetly back, the blond is gone.

Tadashi knows he’s good-looking-- or, at least he knows he has a good body. He has soft curves, tan skin, and he’s virtually hairless. This makes him very popular with old pervs -- both at the cafe he works at, and walking to and from his night job at a grocery store a few blocks away from his current apartment. Old pervs are willing to pay him a lot in tips just to see him cleaning counters at the cafe with his ass sticking out, but they’ll pay him hundreds to have the chance to fuck him. He knows that plenty. They’ve offered.

Sugawara, his coworker, is poking fun at him and how “hot” he looks in their summer uniforms. 

“Seriously! You look fucking _hot_!” 

“ _Stop it,_ Suga,” Tadashi hisses, face flaming. 

The bell at the door rings, and they both look up, but when Tadashi sees who it is, he grimaces. The same blond from yesterday is at the counter, eyes boring into him. This isn’t the first time he’s seen the blond either; he’s been catching swatches of now-familiar golden locks out of the corner almost all day on campus as he made his way from class to class.

Suga, seeing Tadashi’s growing fear, is quick to jump in and greet their...customer. “Welcome to Angel’s Cafe, how may I help you, sir?” 

“I...” The blond swallows, and Tadashi watches the bob of his Adams apple on his long, long neck.  “Can I get a large coffee? And, like...four packages of sweetener and two sugars.” 

Something about the order sparks a memory in Tadashi, buried deep and protected in a safe in his mind palace. Before he can reflect, however, Suga is ushering him into the back saying something about _“isn’t it time for your break Yamada-kun,”_ even though it is not, and his name is _not_ Yamada. It’s their routine, when a creep that’s a little too invested in them comes in. They don’t wear their real names on their name tags; they’ve been stalked and terrorized on more than one more occasion. He’s pushed into the small, dark break room as Suga goes to make the blond’s coffee with four sweeteners and two sugars.

When Suga comes back for him five minutes later, the break room is still shrouded in darkness. Suga coos and pulls him out, and he’s greeted with an empty cafe. Mondays are always a slow day.

“Who was that, Yamaguchi-kun? Why did you look so scared?” 

“I...It’s nothing, I-- I saw him yesterday, and I got alarmed when I saw him again today, thought he was stalking me or something. I’m probably overreacting. I’ve probably seen him on campus tons of times before, I don’t know why I did that. Sorry, Suga-san.” 

Suga shakes his head with a sigh. “ _Is that all_? I thought I was dealing with a _yakuza_ , Yamaguchi!”

Suga’s always been over dramatic.

The next time Tadashi sees the mysterious blond, he’s not lucky enough to be working with Suga. No, he’s working with Oikawa Tooru, who is probably the Actual Devil. He knows Oikawa sees his immediate discomfort when the blond enters, and yet he ignores it in favor of wooing the old man he’s serving currently. The coffee shop/cafe has quite a few more people than the last time the blond was here.

“H- Hello, welcome to Angel’s Cafe, what can I get you?” 

The blond orders the same as last time, all the while staring right at Tadashi, and Tadashi is tempted to call to Oikawa to finish his order but he can’t be rude. He’s just thankful that, like last time, he orders it to go. However, as Tadashi is handing him his coffee the blond mutters something.

“..maguchi...” 

“Huh?” Tadashi’s head whips up. “I’m sorry?” 

The blond -- Tsukishima is the name he’d given for the order -- burns bright red. “N- Nothing. You just...look familiar.”

Tadashi forces a smile. “Maybe we’ve seen each other on campus.”

“No, I--” Tsukishima bites his lip. “When I first met you, on the street last week--” 

“Yamada-kun~ You’re not holding that handsome young man back so you don’t have to wait tables, are you?” Oikawa Tooru, previously evil, is now his savior as Tadashi gives Tsukishima a faux apologetic look and rushes to his section of the cafe where a customer waits for him, eyes only on the thin strip of skin between his thigh-highs and the shorts of his uniform. 

When he makes his way back behind the safety of the front counter, Tsukishima is gone and he has no idea why he feels disappointed.

_“I-- Tsukki, I...” Tadashi fiddles with his fingers, biting his lip nervously. His best friend, Tsukishima Kei, stands in front of him patiently. “I r- really like you, Tsukki...”  
_

_The words take a heavy weight off of Tadashi’s shoulders, but they seem to weigh Kei to the ground. The blond stares, hands shaking at his sides. “I...I’m sorry, Yamaguchi...I--”_

_“Don’t feel that way...” Tadashi finishes with a shaky breath. He laughs, eyes tearing up. “I-- I know. I just wanted to tell you. Sorry.”_

_“Please don’t apologize.”  
_

_“Can I just--” Tadashi bites his lip. “Can you promise me something?”  
_

_“Of course.”  
_

Tadashi startles awake, coated in sweat and gasping for breath. His mind races as he remembers his dream. _What was that_? It seemed so real. Flashes of familiar blond curls flash in his mind. Why is he all of a sudden dreaming about his middle school crush? He was rejected-- and even in his dreams, too! Tadashi groans. Just his luck; even his dreams are against him.

He remembers the confession. It flutters in the files in his mind palace’s safe and he firmly reminds himself to _keep it locked_. A quick look at the clock gives him more reason to listen to himself -- it’s ten pm.

“Shit,” Tadashi curses and scrambles up, rushing to his closet. “Shit shit _shit_ \--” 

He’d only meant to take a nap between his shift at the cafe and nine, when he needed to get to work at the grocery store, and he’d slept until _ten_. Slipping out of the clothes he’d put on to sleep in, he slips into his usual night clothes and rushes out of the house, leaving his door unlocked.

“ _Shit_.” 

In a few short minutes he’s three blocks from his apartment, climbing into an old rickety bus that’s moving too slow for his liking, thoughts of soft curls and childhood confessions locked back in his mind palace.

When Tadashi enters his apartment at four in the morning -- limping, he’d gotten in a scuff on his way home after a man groped him -- he knows immediately that something is wrong. His door is cracked open, light pouring through the crack. His heart starts pounding immediately-- he can’t call the police, not in the state he’s in right now -- he doesn’t even own a phone, and his neighbors won’t be happy that he asked to borrow his phone --  so he has to go in there and investigate on his own. 

Gulping, he takes a step forward and enters his apartment. What he sees is what he’d expected; his small TV is missing, his items strung across the house (even his drawers have been riffled through). He doesn’t even need to check under his mattress to know his stash of cash is gone. He moves automatically towards it, however, and lifts it with shaky hands. Nothing.

Tadashi can’t breathe. _Shit_. He’d left the door unlocked, _fuck_. Fuck. His head is spinning.

“Fuck fuck fuck fu--” Tadashi gasps for breath. He’s been robbed before, but this was his _rent money_ \-- “ _Why_?”

He’s going to be kicked out. _Shit_. _Why now?_ He missed rent last month, he _can’t_ miss this month. _Fuck_. Tadashi wants to scream, but all he does is collapse on top of his bed and lets darkness envelop his world.

Tadashi is lucky Suga keeps his garage unlocked, though, even despite all of this. It’s easy to sneak in and drop his bags inside to keep his possessions safe while he looks for an apartment. He doesn’t push it and sleep in the garage-- he doesn’t want Suga to get scared and call the police and then get arrested. He also won’t ask to stay in his spare room, either-- Suga is a worrier, and he’d never be able to live being smothered.

A truck pulls up beside him on his way home, and Tadashi rolls his eyes; he’s had people pull up, thinking he’s a prostitute before. Regarding the shifty man at the drivers side, Tadashi considers it. He could get a hundred bucks off him, maybe stay in a motel room for the night when he decides to go to bed. 

“I-- I’m not here for me,” The man says, and alarm bells ring in Tadashi’s head immediately. “I-- M- My daughter, she...she says she’s gay, I just need to change her mind--” 

Tadashi reels. “Ok, what the f--” 

“I’ll pay you a thousand dollars! Please!” The man grabs Tadashi by the wrist when he tries to back away. He looks desperate to... _straighten_ his daughter. Plus, he’s never done anything like this before. But he really needs the cash...If he _did_ it, he could put down a down payment for an apartment. “Please.”

Tadashi chokes down his thoughts screaming at him, and nods. He can just...pretend to fuck her, get his cash, and take her to a safe space. “...Ok. Yeah, sure.”

The man looks relieved. “ _Thank you._ ”

Tadashi opens the door, and slides in. This is something new, but...If he’s getting _payed_...

The man ripped Tadashi off. He took him to an alley in his car and before Tadashi could do anything the man was pulling him out of the car by his hair and fucking him against the cold, glassy ground. Tadashi tries to push him off, but the man just thrusts in harder and pushes his head into the ground, _hard_.

His world fades to black, his last thought being “why me?”

“Yamaguchi-kun, what happened to you? You look like a _wreck_.” 

“ _Thanks_ , Suga, thanks a lot,” Tadashi groans. He glares down at the coffee stain in his last clean work shirt. “I had a rough night.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I took molly in a club and had an orgy with ten hungry men.” 

Suga snorts.

“You think I’m joking?” He is, of course. But joking is the only way to get Suga to switch topics. 

“You’re funny, Yamaguchi-kun.” 

The bell rings at the front of the shop, and Tadashi looks up to see Tsukishima. Tadashi sighs, and goes to the coffee machine. Suga is quick to the counter, smiling the whole time.

“The usual, Tsukishima-kun?” He comes by enough now to have a regular. Tadashi is _still_ convinced Tsukishima is stalking him.

Tsukishima grunts, and Tadashi starts on it immediately, hoping the sooner he gets it done the sooner the blond will be gone. In a short minute Tadashi is handing off the coffee to Suga, who hands it to Tsukishima, who’s already paid. However, when the blond gets the coffee and thanks Suga, he moves and sits down at a table nearby. Tadashi almost groans.

“Hey, cutie, can we get our check?” One of their customers in his section -- a group of frat boys, this time -- yells, and Tadashi fakes a smile, picking up the check he’d already made up for the group. 

“I’ll be right there, sweetie,” Tadashi yells back, winking, and the boys go crazy. He can see Tsukishima in his peripherals turn a bright shade of red.

Tadashi and Suga are alone with Tsukishima soon enough, and Tsukishima is just finishing his coffee and getting a refill when Tadashi realizes that they’re out of to go cups. He’s climbing onto a stool to grab them, the legs wobbling, when he feels the air fall out from under him-- he’s falling. Suga calls, “Yamaguchi-kun!” and tries to catch him, but he falls right on his ass. 

“ _Shit_ \--” 

Suga is at his side, helping him up and fretting over him in a second. “Are you--” 

“I thought it was you.” 

They both freeze. Suga looks between Tadashi and Tsukishima. Tadashi just stares at the blond, confused. “I-- I’m sorry?”

Tadashi stands with Suga’s help, cringing when he does, and Tsukishima locks their eyes. “Your name is Yamaguchi Tadashi, you’re twenty years old, and I used to be your best friend.”

_“Tsukki! Wait for me!”  Tadashi, eight, rushes after Kei, legs still far too short to be running around with Kei. He huffs. “Tsukki!..”  
_

_Kei smiles, toothless and full of childish impatience, as Tadashi makes it to the top of the hill. The night sky expands over them, and Kei lays out the blanket he’d brought. Tadashi immediately collapses onto it._

_“Finally. Why did we have to walk all the way out here, Tsukki? We can watch the stars from your roof like we usually do.”  Kei hushes Tadashi and he frowns over at his friend as he plops down next to him. “Hey--”_

_“Look, Dashi!”  
_

_Kei points to the sky, and Tadashi looks up, gasping when he does._

_“Tsukki--”  
_

_“Y’know, we’re alone, Dashi.”  
_

_“Kei, it’s so pretty!”  
_

_“I know, huh?”_

“Yamaguchi--?” 

Tadashi blinks back to reality to see Suga and Tsukishima staring at him, waiting. He sucks in a breath and swallows. “I don’t know anybody named Tsukishima.”

“What--!” 

_“The stars remind me of you! Pretty, just like Dashi.”_

“I-- I’m sorry, I-- I think I need to take a minute. Are you ok out here?” 

Suga nods. “Yeah. Fine. Take all the time you need.”

_“Kei!” Tadashi flushes._

_“No one is prettier than Dashi!”  
_

“Thanks.” 

“W- Wait, _Yamaguchi_ \--” 

“Sorry, Tsukishima-kun, but I think you’re confused...” 

“But--” 

“I’m afraid that if you want to come here again, you’ll have to stop harassing the workers.” 

“But I _know_ him--” 

“Don’t we all.” 

“But--” 

Tadashi, eight years old, fell in love. Tadashi, twenty years old, is just plain falling.

Tadashi, lately, is dreaming in memories. Or, rather, daydreaming. He hasn’t had a solid hour of sleep in a while, though he does find his mind wandering to the past more often than he’d like.

_“Ts- Tsukki--”  
_

_“H- He lied.” Kei clutches his fists at his sides, looking like he’s trying not to cry. Tadashi’s never seen him cry before. He’s scared. “He_ lied _.”  
_

_“I’m sorry--”  
_

_“It’s not your fault.”  
_

_“I know, but--”  
_

_“Shut up!”  
_

_Tadashi gasps at Kei’s sharp tone. Kei’s head whips up, eyes wide, tears slipping down his face._

_“I-- Yama, I’m sorry--”  
_

_“Sorry, Tsukki.”  
_

_“Right.” Kei takes Tadashi’s hand. “Let’s go. I’m sorry for yelling. I’m sorry.”_

_Tadashi, ten, grips his best friend’s hand tight, and smiles. “Yeah, let’s go. My mom is making your favorite~!”_

He thought he’d locked these memories away years ago, hidden at the bottom of the safe in his mind palace. Yet here he is, zoning out in the middle of a lecture and daydreaming about his childhood crush, who is somehow back in his life.

Sometimes he wonders if his life if real. Seriously.

_“A- Are you ok, Tsukki?” They’re twelve, now, in their middle school volleyball club, and Kei is recovering a sprained ankle. Tadashi’s been fretting all day, worried about Kei, and he knows it’s starting to get on the blond’s nerves. He wonders how Kei stands him. “Kei--?”  
_

_“I’m fine, Yamaguchi.” Kei says immediately. He stands from where he’d been sitting on the bench. “Just resting it. The doctor said to do that every now and then.”  
_

_“O- Oh...Ok. I-- I just don’t want you getting hurt any more than you are--”_

“...Tsukki...”

“Huh?” 

Tadashi jumps, startled to reality by Suga.

“’Tsukki’?.. As in Tsukishima? That weird guy who thinks he knows you?..” 

Tadashi bites his lip. _He’s so confused_. _Is_ Tsukishima the Kei in his dreams? Surely he isn’t; there are plenty of Tsukishima’s in Japan. This is just a coincidence. _His_ Kei is gone, out of his life, and this Tsukishima is just crazy. He opens his mouth to speak, but Suga is already continuing his questioning. 

“Are you sure you don’t know him? He seems very convinced that he knows you-- he even knows your real name!” 

“Because you yelled it when I fell,” Tadashi says with a pointed glare. 

“ _I’m sorry for worrying,_ ” Suga sasses back, “But he said _Tadashi_ , too. I didn’t yell Tadashi. Maybe he was in one of your classes last semester? Maybe he lives in your old neighborhood? I mean, he did say he was your--” 

“He’s just a nutcase,” Tadashi snaps. He doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Or ever. “I don’t know him.”

“Are you sure?” Suga looks unconvinced, and is completely unphased by Tadashi’s yelling. “I mean...He said he was your childhood friend. Maybe you’re just blocking the memories for some reason?..I don’t know much about your past, thinking about it...” 

The bell over the door dings and, speak of the devil, Tsukishima steps inside. He has a tall, dark-haired man and another that looks a bit like an owl with him. The two new people chatter lightly, their voices teasing, and Tadashi can’t help but listen as he hides his face at the coffee maker; he’s already making Tsukishima’s coffee. Suga chirps a greeting.

“I can’t believe you like these kinds of places, Tsukki!” One of their new guests says smugly, and Tadashi bristles at the use of the nickname. He curses himself for being so stupid. It’s just a nickname. 

“Yeah, yeah!” The other crows. “You don’t take me as the kinda type to visit a cafe with half-dressed guys!” 

Tadashi is used to cat-calling and his body being degraded, but for some reason this strangers’ words make him flush up to his ears. He feels _hot_.

“What can I get you boys? Tsukishima-kun, I’ll take it you want your usual?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I get a large caramel machiato?” 

“I just want a small hot chocolate.” 

“Coming right up!” 

Tadashi, done with Tsukishima’s coffee, goes on to the caramel machiato as Suga racks up the total.

“Hey, Tsukki, is that him?” A voice whispers. 

“ _Bokuto_ \--” 

“I want to know!..Why would he pretend _not_ to know you--” 

“ _Bokuto_.” 

Tadashi starts on the hot chocolate, shoulders stiff.

“...Is it, though?” The voice that isn’t Bokuto’s asks in a whisper. Tsukishima groans. Tadashi almost does as well, but he needs to stay polite. Taking a deep breath, Tadashi turns with two cups in his hands, Suga grabbing the other one. He can see the two strangers gaping at him as he holds the two cups out. 

“Here you boys go,” He says with a wink, and their jaws literally drop. 

“Bro...” The owlish one -- Bokuto, from the sound of his voice -- whispers, awestruck. 

“Yamaguchi is so hot...” The other one finishes, and Tadashi feels his face burn, but not in embarrassment-- rage fills his veins at the use of his real name. He continues to smile, however, and as the three turn to find a table, Tadashi catches Tsukishima by the wrist. 

“Tsukishima-kun, may I speak with you?” 

Tsukishima blooms pink. “O- Of course.”

“Privately.” 

“R- Right.” 

Tadashi releases him and nods his head in the direction of the hall that leads to the the break room. He looks to Suga for permission, and the older blond is already nodding. He walks from behind the corner and leads Tsukishima calmly inside the break room.  

“Ok,” The door slams behind them, and Tsukishima jumps. “I don’t know who the _fuck_ you are, but you need to stop.” 

Tsukishima frowns. “Wh--”

“How did you get my real name?” 

“Because you were my best friend for four years--” 

“ _Stop lying to me_! I’ve never seen you in my _life_ , then all of a sudden you run into me on the street, and the next day you show up at my work, and then you’re saying you _know_ me--” 

“I do! Your name is Yamaguchi Tadashi, you’re twenty years old, your birthday is November tenth--” 

“So you’re _stalking_ me! Seriously, how did you figure all of this out--” 

“--And when we were twelve years old you confessed to me.” 

Silence envelops the room at Tsukishima’s words. Tadashi’s throat closes. A memory arises in his head, the same one he’d dreamt of the night he was robbed, and he tries to push it back. He sees himself confessing, sees the fear flash in Tsukishima’s -- no, _Kei’s_ \-- eyes. Watches his own eyes fall in shame.

You confessed to me,” Tsukishima says slowly, and Tadashi’s head snaps up. “And I rejected you. I...Didn’t want to. I really didn’t--”

“Then why _did_ you?” Tadashi snaps before he can stop himself. His mind is whirling, and he can’t pick out his own thoughts from the dream Tadashi’s. _Past_ Tadashi’s. “Why did you reject me? I could have-- when my life went to shit, I really needed you.” 

“I was scared. I-- I had only just figured out my feelings for you, and I had planned on keeping them secret. Back when we were young, they treated g- gay people so _badly_...” 

“They were scared of you.” 

Tsukishima chuckles. “But not of you. I didn’t want you to...”

“Get _bullied_? I was _used_ to it.” An entirely new feeling of rage burns Tadashi’s skin as he slides down the door of the break room. “I was used to it, and with you I could _take_ it, and you...you _left_ me...” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah,” Tadashi scoffs. “’Sorry’ doesn’t get very far. Not now.” 

“I know.” Silence stretches on between the two. Tadashi tugs at his fingers anxiously. “Can...Can we start over?” 

“I don’t think I want to.” 

“...Ok. I understand.” 

“...But you can keep coming to the cafe and we’ll see where you get from there. Ok?” 

Tsukishima smiles, and it looks so soft that Tadashi’s anger slowly ebbs away. “Ok.”

“Just-- don’t call me Yamaguchi out there. That’s a no-no here.” 

Kei frowns, but nods. “Of course. Anything.”

“Good,” Tadashi stands with the help of Tsukishima. “Let’s get back, then.” 

“Right.” Tadashi opens the door, but before he can exit the break room, Tsukishima grabs his wrist. “Can I get your phone number?”

Tadashi’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I...move around too much to have a phone, or tv, or anything with a monthly subscription. I move around a lot.”

It’s no lie, either; he missed so many payments when he had a phone that he decided it would just be better to worry about living for the moment. When he graduates and gets a better job, one he likes. Then he’ll get a phone.

Kei looks disappointed, but he nods nonetheless and lets his wrist go with a swipe of his thumb against the inside of it. “That’s ok. We should get going.”

Tadashi nods, cheeks now flushed in something other than anger or embarrassment, something he hasn’t felt in years.

“Yeah. Suga will get worried.” 

★

_“Hey, Tsukki?”  
_

_It’s a week after Kei snapped at Tadashi, and the brunet stands in front of Kei with shuffling feet. He looks nervous, like he’s done something wrong, and Kei wants to stop him from feeling sad; he wants to hug him, but he can’t do that, not at practice._

_“Yeah, Yamaguchi?”  
_

_“Can we...talk? After practice?”  
_

_“Sure?” Kei’s eyebrows furrow. Why can’t Tadashi talk to him right now?  
_

_“Great, uh-- see you then.” Tadashi scrambles off before Kei can question, and he shakes his head. He probably needs help studying again._

“...kki. Tsukki!” Kei startles awake at the use of his old nickname coming from the mouth of Bokuto. He groans. “There you are! Sleepy head! You fell asleep during Ukai’s lecture, you’re lucky he didn’t catch you, bro.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kei grumbles, blinking up at Bokuto. “You know I hate it.”

“Tsukki or bro?” 

“Both.” 

“Yo! Come on, you two, we need to get to lunch with Kenma~” 

Kei groans again. “Can’t I have one meal to myself?”

“Nope!” 

“We’re bringing Kenma to Yamaguchi-kun’s cafe afterwards, since there’s pie!” Bokuto hauls Kei up. “They love pie, especially--” 

“ _Apple_.” Bokuto and Kuroo finish together, and Kei shakes his head, but he finds himself looking forward to the visit to Yamaguchi’s work. The only way he can see Yamaguchi is if he goes to the cafe, and so he’s in there practically every day already anyway. 

“Ready to go, Tsukki?” 

“Whatever.” 

He doesn’t try to hide his smile.

_“Promise you won’t forget me, ok?”  
_

They’ve weaned out the old men. With groups of tough-looking, big, college students coming in daily, the old men can’t get off on the employees. There isn’t much they can say without Bokuto or Kuroo or even Kei standing up for them, and their teammates have been dropping in. Kei can tell the employees -- Yamaguchi, Suga, and Oikawa are the only ones ever on shift when Kei visits -- don’t seem to be very happy, though. Kei doesn’t understand. They should be happy, without old men lusting after them all the time.

“I’ll be right back with your food, boys,” Yamaguchi saunters off with swinging hips, and Kei frowns. He’s noticed that Yamaguchi is still flirty with customers, even when it’s just him and his friends in the shop. “Then it’s my break, so I can hang out for a little!” 

Bokuto cheers loudly, and Kenma nudges him without even looking up from their game.

Yamaguchi rushes to the back and pulls up a tray and set it down on the counter. Kei watches Yamaguchi work, biting his lip. Yamaguchi’s always had long, slender limbs, and seeing them move the way he does now that he’s more confident, it’s mesmerizing. It’s beautiful.

 _Yamaguchi_ is beautiful.

_“So? You wanted to talk?”  
_

_“Uh--” Tadashi coughs. “Yeah. Uh. I--”  
_

_“If you need help with homework, you shouldn’t need to be so nervous.”  
_

_“No, it’s-- It’s not that, Tsukki...”_

_“Then what is it?”  
_

_“I need to tell you something.” Tadashi’s voice is soft, almost a whisper. Kei frowns.  
_

_“Ok?..So tell me.”  
_

_“Please don’t hate me.”  
_

_“I could never hate you, now shut up and tell me already.”  
_

_Tadashi takes a breath._

_“I-- Tsukki, I...” Tadashi fiddles with his fingers, biting his lip nervously. Kei waits patiently for him to speak. “I r- really like you, Tsukki...”  
_

_The words seem to take a heavy weight off of Tadashi’s shoulders, but they weigh Kei to the ground. Kei stares at Tadashi, hands shaking at his sides. No, no this can’t be--_

_‘You piece of shit!’  
_

_‘Fag.’  
_

_‘Ha. Look at the queer, he’s crying.’  
_

_‘Tsukki, help--!’  
_

_‘Oh, look, he’s calling for his boyfriend!’_

_“I...I’m sorry, Yamaguchi...I--”_

_“Don’t feel that way...” Tadashi finishes with a shaky breath. He laughs, eyes tearing up, and Kei feels like_ shit _. “I-- I know. I just wanted to tell you. Sorry.”_

_Tadashi runs off before Kei can give him a reason, and Kei -- ashamed -- promises himself that he’s never going to hurt Tadashi again. Even if that means he has to hurt him._

A slice of strawberry shortcake plops down on the table in front of him. “Here, Tsukki! On me, your favorite.” 

Kei is positive Yamaguchi didn’t mean for his words to imply anything, he was just trying to offer a friend a free piece of cake, but now all Kei can imagine is Yamaguchi, covered in cream and eating strawberries lewdly. His face flushes pink and Yamaguchi sees this and snickers.

“Tsk Tsk Tsukki, get your head out of the gutters or I might charge you for the cake.” 

“Sorry, uh--” Kei coughs. “Right, uh. Thanks for the cake.” 

“Mhm.” Yamaguchi hums around his own cake, smiling, and Kei burns brighter pink. _Fuck_ , he’s gay. “Our supplier has the best baker in the entire prefecture, I _swear_.” 

“Really? Because Kenma can bake really good when they can be bothered to,” Kuroo says over the large hunk of apple pie he’s sharing with Kenma, and Kei rolls his eyes. 

“You say that because you’re biased. You’re _dating_ them.” He deadpans. 

Tadashi laughs loudly, snorting slightly. “Well, I suppose I’m biased as well. Suga-san’s boyfriend is the owner of the bakery, so that’s why we get our pastries from there.”

“Really?” That does seem like Sugawara, from what he knows from only knowing the guy a few months. Bokuto, however, seems awestruck.

“Mhm! Though, keep a secret will you? I prefer the bakery down the street. Our supplier is all the way across town, in the shopping districts so they’re pumping out a lot more for less quality, but Suga insists.” 

“Yamaguchi, your break is almost up!” 

Yamaguchi checks his watch, and curses. “I didn’t even get to eat my cake! Coming!” Tadashi stands and trots off back to meet Sugawara, his thighs jiggling as he did so, and Kei’s eyes trail on the freckled sliver of skin between the hem of his shorts and his thigh highs. He’s never liked Tadashi’s uniform -- it’s so degrading -- but boy, does he love it right now.

“H- Hey!..” 

Yamaguchi turns, head tilted to the side. He looks like a puppy. “Yeah?”

“W- What time do you get off? I could...walk you home, if you’d like.” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes flash with something akin to remembrance, then he flashes Kei a dazzling smile. “I’d like that. I get of at eight tonight. Meet you outside?” 

“Sure. Y- Yeah. Ok.” 

A few hours later, Kei meets Yamaguchi outside the front of Angel’s. It’s cold outside, now, and when Yamaguchi comes outside in his uniform and no coat, Kei flips.

“Ok, hell no.” 

Tadashi blinks. “What?”

“Yamaguchi in the hell is your coat?” 

“I don’t...own one?” Yamaguchi’s brows furrow. “I haven’t owned a coat since I moved out. I haven’t been able to afford it.” 

Well that just isn’t going to do. Kei shrugs off his own coat immediately, and holds it out to Tadashi, who is shuddering slightly.

“Here.” 

“Wh-- What? No, I can’t, y- you’ll get cold--!” 

“I don’t care. You must be positively _freezing_ right now.” 

“But--” 

“No buts.” Kei shakes the coat in his hands and wants to take it back as soon as a gust of wind blows up his shirt, but he persists. “Put on the damn coat, Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi takes the coat with a shy smile, and mutters a quiet thanks. Kei shrugs it off.

“I-- I’ll lead, since you don’t know the way.” 

“Right.” Kei has no idea why he even offered to walk Yamaguchi home when he has no idea where he lives. “L- Lead the way.” 

They make off in relative silence, Kei following Yamaguchi at an acceptable distance, regarding him. Cold wind blows his hair every which way, and Kei is grateful for his relatively short hair. Poor Yamaguchi, however, has his hair up in a horrid attempt at a pony tail and his hair is whipping him in the face. Kei watches the way his nose scrunches up, lips puffing out and into a familiar pout.

It’s surprising how much Kei is having to relearn about his childhood best friend.

Yamaguchi is taller now, about a centimeter more than Kei (who hasn’t grown an inch, damn his early growth spurt), and he’s grown out his hair, but that’s only physical. No, Yamaguchi is a completely different person-- that much is clear from their first interaction. He’s...more sure of himself. He’s confident. He’s strong. Kei likes it.

“...kki. Tsukki.” 

“Huh?” Kei blinks, and Yamaguchi’s face comes to focus. He’s smiling, soft, and Kei’s cheeks flush. 

“We’re here. Would you like to come in?”

“You’re...letting me inside? Your apartment?” 

“Yeah?..” Yamaguchi chuckles. “Yeah, of course. We’re f-- I mean, you walked me home, so I’d like to make you some tea or something...” 

Kei’s breath stutters when his mind processes what Yamaguchi was going to say, and he finds himself nodding quickly. Yamaguchi laughs harder, pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. They enter, Yamaguchi still laughing, Kei’s heart still pounding. _Yamaguchi considered them friends?_ It was only a few months ago that Yamaguchi hated the sight of him, and hid whenever he came into the cafe.

When Kei enters Yamaguchi’s apartment -- a small living room, with a kitchen and bathroom only -- he is immediately reminded of Yamaguchi’s home back in Miyagi. 

_“You never sleep over at Tadashi’s.”_

_“He says his house is too small. His parents sleep in the bedroom and he sleeps in the living room.”  
_

_Kei’s mother raises her eyebrows. “Really?”_

_“It’s ok, though. Tadashi likes to get away from his house anyway, he said.”  
_

_“I see.”  
_

_Kei’s mother looks concerned, and Kei frowns, concerned. “What’s wrong, mama?”_

_“Nothing, dear.”  
_

_“Ok.”  
_

“I’m sorry I don’t have tea cups, I move around so much it’s easier to just move with plastic cups I don’t need to worry about breaking.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Ok.” Yamaguchi smiles at Kei as he starts up the kettle. “You can go sit on the couch, I’ll be there in a few.” 

“Alright.” 

_“Speaking of Tadashi, I haven’t seen him around lately.”  
_

_Kei cringes, remembering why Tadashi hasn’t been over. It’s been two weeks now, and Tadashi still hasn’t come to even talk to Kei. “Yeah, he’s...busy.”_

_“Is he? Even on weekends?”  
_

_“Yes.”  
_

_“I miss him.”  
_

_“I do too.” Kei bites his lip. “I miss him too.”_

“Here you go!” A plastic Disney cup plops down on the low table in front of him, and Kei startles, looking up to Tadashi’s smiling face. He’s still wearing Kei’s coat and his uniform, but he looks much warmer inside, even if his house is freezing. Kei blinks. He hadn’t noticed how _cold_ it was earlier. “Drink up, Tsukki,  used the last of my goof tea for you.” 

“Th- Thank you.” Kei takes the cup, grateful for the warmth is supplies. It burns his tongue going down, but Kei’s always liked that part of drinking hot liquid. 

“No prob, Tsukki.” Tadashi plops down across from him, smiling.” I hope I didn’t take too long, my stove-top takes forever to heat up.” 

“That’s fine,” Kei says, smiling lightly back at the other. They drink in silence, observing each other comfortably. This is the first time in a long time Yamaguchi’s been comfortable with him, and Kei can see it in the way his shoulders are slumped, his face relaxed. 

Yamaguchi is still wearing Kei’s coat, and now that they’re out of the cold wind, Kei can see how much it drowns him. He’s thinner, now. As he drinks his tea, the sleeves to Kei’s coat fall down to mid-forearm. His cheeks are hollow, his eyes sunken. Kei doesn’t like it. 

“You’re staring.” 

“Huh?” Kei blinks. 

“You’re staring,” Yamaguchi chuckles, looking down shyly. “Is there something on my face or something?” 

“N- No!.. Uh, j-- Just, you’re...really thin...” And pale, now that I think about it... 

“O- Oh!..” Yamaguchi forces a laugh, and Kei hopes he hasn’t upset him. “Y- Yeah, I guess I am...I don’t really have the time to eat; I go to work, sleep, go to school, and then to work again.” 

Kei frowns. “You shouldn’t overwork yourself.” 

Yamaguchi smiles a smile Kei remembers from their younger years as his fake, reassuring smile. “I know.” 

Kei tricks himself into thinking he does. 

★

“Fuck, it’s _freezing_ ,” Kei groans, falling into his usual spot at the cafe. Kuroo snickers and sips his coffee. 

“Maybe you wouldn’t be so cold if you wore a coat,” He says, and Kei growls at him, taking the coffee Kenma pushes across the table at him thankfully. 

“Lost it.” 

“Really? ‘Cause when Yamaguchi came in earlier, he was wearing one quite similar to yours.” 

Kei’s cheeks burn red, and he glares at Kuroo. Behind them, at the counter, Kei can hear Tadashi squeak in embarrassment. 

“For someone who used to hate Tsukishima, you two sure are close now,” Sugawara mutters to Tadashi, and Kei doesn’t need to look to know he’s hiding his adorably flushed face (but he does anyway). 

“S- Suga--!..” 

“It’s cute,” Suga says, laughing brightly. 

“Yeah,” Kenma says, smirking, and Kei can’t believe that this is leaving their mouth. “It really is cute.” 

_“Where are you going to high school, Kei?”  
_

_“Karasuno.”_

_“And Tadashi?”  
_

_“I...don’t know...” It’s been months since he spoke to Tadashi last. Kei feels terrible, but he knows it’s for the best._

_“I saw him at the store the other day, and he had this terrible yellow bruise on his face.”  
_

_“R- Really?”  
_

_“I do hope he’s not getting bullied again...”  
_

_“No,” Kei snaps, “No, I wouldn’t allow that.”  
_

_His mother looks at him with a disappointed look. “I’m sure you wouldn’t.”_

“Hey Tsukki?..”

“Yeah?” 

Kei shifts on Tadashi’s springy old couch, and shifts to face him. 

“Can you...Tell me about our childhood together?” 

"What?” Kei frowns at the odd request. “You were there, Yamaguchi.” 

Tadashi cringes. “I-- When we went our separate ways, I...went through some things. I...blocked out a lot of my memories from before then...” 

“Oh--” 

“I’ll tell you eventually, but...for now, can I hear about us?”

Kei smiles. “Of course.” 

_“Yamaguchi, what the hell?”  
_

_“What?”  
_

_“Where is your mother, and why is she not taking care of her sick son?”  
_

_“She’s at work.”  
_

_“I’m sorry, what?”  
_

_“She’s at work.”  
_

_Kei sighs. “She really is pathetic, isn’t she?”_

_“Ts- Tsukki!..”  
_

_“I’m telling the truth, and you know it.”  
_

_“I- I know...”_

Tadashi is running out of memories. And the thing is, when he first started dreaming these memories, he didn’t want to but now he wants more-- but if he wants to unleash them all, he needs to open the safe but he can’t risk the other memories that would come with them. 

So for now, he listens to Kei retell their childhood, not having any recollection of how he felt but laughing along nonetheless. 

He feels like he’s finally home. 

“Hey, Kei?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” 

“A- Are you sure? Even after all I’ve--” 

“I love you always.” 


End file.
